Thursday, August 21, 2014

The Tudors - where were the feminists?

Photo by Lisa Weidmeier, MYWANA

By the end of Season 2, when Anne Boleyn meets her grim death, I really hate Henry VIII. I hate looking at him, I hate listening to him, I despise his every moment on screen. I suppose that really, that's as it should be. But I feel the show has sucked a lot of joy out of me to in the process. I won't be watching season 3, or any following ones. I'm done. D-o-n-e done.

In a way, the whole history of Henry VIII and his hapless - or headless - wives rankles me in a very pro-feminist way. No, I'm not going to get on a feminist soapbox - well, maybe just a little - but what really irritates me about the show is 1. Margaret Tudor and 2. Jane Seymour. We can talk about the male characters later. Those two women really embody what's wrong with women today. Yes, I said today, for really, we haven't changed much, have we?

In the Showtime version of The Tudors, Margaret Tudor (also see historical inaccuracy section of the wikii here  is married off to King Louis XII, a much older man. While it's not to her liking and arranged marriages deny women choice, she would have had a very comfortable life as queen. However, in the show she suffocates the king - committing an act of murder most unwholesome she shows no remorse for. Then, when she finally has what she so desperately wants - CHOICE - what does she do with it?

She picks another man.

*Head slap*

On the one hand, yes, I do feel sorry for any woman used merely as a political pawn and forced into a marriage not of their choosing. I understand that would be unpleasant. However, instead of either accepting her fate and choosing to focus on her own growth within the marriage, she again tosses away any hope of self-realization when she shackles herself to the Duke of Suffolk. For in doing so, is she not imprisoning herself in just the same way as Henry VIII had? Her actions break down like this:

* No, I don't want to marry him, I want to be free
* I've killed him, now I'm free
* Now that I'm free, I desire most of all to become fettered
* I hand over my freedom to a different man

Later, she realizes she's hastily married a playboy and dies unhappily of consumption. Nice choice, right? But women had no choice in those days, you say. Well, the Showtime portrayal of several of the characters was not quite accurate. However, in this, I think one can see in Margaret Tudor a bit of ourselves, no? How many of us believe that we are incomplete without a man? How many of us would sell our soul for the "right" man who'll make us "happy"? How long do we go through life believing the fantasy to be true - that only someone else can make us happy and whole? Too many of us, and for too long, I say. Margaret would have been better off becoming the full woman she could have been rather than yet again the man's woman.

And that brings us to Jane Seymour, who obviously had a touch of FUCKING NUTCASE about her. I mean, picture this:

Your intended - again, the man - has just chopped off the head of his wife's brother, several of her supposed lovers, and imprisoned her family. To add to the horror, he's just cut of his wife's head. A woman he once supposedly LOVED so much he stood against the Roman Church and demanded he be allowed to marry her. But now, she's missing a head, and oh, Jane, does he ever want to kiss you.


I mean, really. How sexy is the guy who made lovey-dovey eyes to his former wife only to later cut off her noodle? The fact he cut off a woman's head should have her running away - gagging - at the cold brutality of it. But when she was kissing him, when he was wooing her, didn't she ever picture in her mind's eye her father and her brother's heads rolling down the street? Listen, the girl could have thought a little harder is all I'm saying. If she'd searched her heart and soul she'd never have let Henry VIII court her.

Of course, you say, there's power and money involved. Heh. Yeah. We're not like that today at all, are we? Every woman wants to live comfortably, but how few of them want to be their true selves? How many of us ever dive into that pool and disassociate ourselves  from the role of men's playthings long enough to even hear the voice of our true self? The fact that in every story version I've seen, Anne Boleyn's father is the one who egged her on to garner the king's appreciation in order for the family to gain power and fortune only makes the whole story worse for me. Sadder. Depressing.

It's a worthless folly that should not be repeated. Ever. But I fear it already has been, countless times in our short, all too human history. Enough girls. Enough!

More later,


Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Who are your friends?

It seems that every few years friends get swept in and swept out of my life like a wave coming through. Total changes occur, sometimes without much warning. I used to think this only happened to me. Maybe it really does!

Photo courtesy of Jenny Kazorowksi, MYWANA

I also was often confused by it, but now I think it's just personal growth. If everyone around you is standing still, refusing to grow but you are -- well, that's not a sustainable arrangement. You see, the people around you are called to be part of your life and represent parts of you.

I'm simply not the same person I was three or four years ago. I won't be the same a few years from now either. Likely I'll have different friends then. Or maybe none at all. In a way it doesn't matter. Not for me, not at this point in my life.

Yes, I know you can only "see" parts of yourself via relationships. But after having been the queen of relationships - maybe I got to the one the finally broke the last straw - I no longer feel called to do them. And look out. When a Libra is done with something, they're just "done." Stick a fork in it, throw it in the bin.

That's kind of how I feel about writing romance right now. Or erotica for that matter. Boom! It's done. Fini. Yesterday's news. I hardly have the urge to continue on that line. Internally, I'm being pulled into new directions and my tastes and interests have changed. Bam! They're all different. 

So maybe at this point a few friends have already or will drop off to continue on their path and I'll find new mirrors that reflect back to me the "new" me, whoever that is. 

Too damn early to say.

More later,


Sunday, August 3, 2014

Have you talked to your inner child today?

Do you talk to your inner child and your inner teenager every day? If  not, you might want to check out this blog post here from Family Tree Counseling:

It seems strange to say, I'm an adult and I'm also a child, or, I'm an adult and I'm also a teenager, but in fact we all are. All of us walking around in fully-grown human bodies still carry the original, innermost parts of ourselves as well as all of our learned behaviours. The inner child is just us - our youngest selves - the feeling, easily hurt, innocent piece of childhood we all think we left behind so very long ago. But even though we're in adult bodies now with adult minds, we never did lose our childhood self. Sadly, we just learned over time to ignore it like many of our parents did.

Photo courtesy of KB Owen, MYWANA

We all think we've discovered how to deal with our little child, how to protect it from harm in our own way. We've built walls, amassed weapons, honed our skills. That's great, right? We are now the our inner child's protectors. Except for one thing. That protector most likely formed during a period of maturing we all call teenage years. Yep. The protector out there slashing away, making sure nothing harms the little girl or boy again is making all its decisions based upon A TEENAGE UNDERSTANDING OF LIFE. Whoa, baby.

I don't know if you remember the teenage years very well. The pain and suffering, the hormones slamming through you, the lost, confused, agonizing vulnerability. Let's just go out on a limb here and say that intellectually, those were not our best years. We were beset by too much to handle and believe me, looking for any rope to grab onto in the storm.

Some of us choose drugs.
Or alcohol.
Or sex.
Or buying things.
Or food.
Or we run away via traveling.
Anything, to get us through the rough times so we don't have to deal with the hurt head on.
In doing so, we inadvertently set the program for what will become the way we deal with every issue that life throws at us. Because it feels right, no? We're protecting ourselves, we're dealing with our pain in the only way know how.
Again, based on a teenager's understanding of life.

So ask yourself. Right now in life when shitty things happen to you and you fly off the handle and end up in a very familiar place AGAIN: Who's driving bus? I'd wager it's not your adult self.  I'll bet you a million bucks and be a millionaire by morning. When you slip into the passion of trying to make yourself FEEL BETTER it's the teenager driving the bus, and your inner child providing the fuel. The inner child doesn't want to be hurt. It hurts to get hurt! Especially when there's no relief in sight, or the parents you grew up with never showed you how to take care of your feelings. Instead, the wrathful teenager lashes out in a very teenage minded way, grabs the crutch/weapon/drink of choice that you've fashioned so many years ago and dives right into the abyss while the adult takes a nap.

Then what happens? The adult wakes up, sees there's a problem and doesn't know how it got there and has a big fucking mess to clean up. But then, if we start to wake up even a little we start to realize we have some problems inside of us we're not taking care of. What to do about them becomes our next course of action. In a way, I think that's why the song Demons resonates with many people. It's about our inner demons and the struggle to deal with them.

So how do we deal with them?

We recognize the problem and begin to dig in. Into our selves. To listen and learn from our child and teenager, to value their input and to adapt it to our adult lives. We learn to see where the adult is falling asleep and WHY. We learn those hurt feelings inside of us aren't going to be fixed by that new drug, that new lover or that new car. Guess what? That leaves the responsibility solely on our shoulders. At first, it feels new but it's not. It's always been our job to deal with our emotions. We've just been letting a teenager try to fix things, over and over again, and finally realized that doesn't work.

Welcome to the adult world.

So I'm going to ask you again, have you talked to your inner child today? Have you told it, hey, I know they hurt you, but I'm here now. I'm not going to ignore you anymore. And have you recognized your inner teenager saying, I'll fix this, let me bash something for you. And have you told it, just a second. Let me think on that plan....

Good luck!


Sunday, July 13, 2014

Is it love or addiction? It depends on who's driving the bus!

The simple answer is, it's addiction if you have done this behavior before to ease the pain. What pain? Any pain. We all carry it. We all have leftover hurts from childhood we wish that our parents would have taken care of for us. But they didn't. That left them in our hands... our young, innocent, barely functioning hands. 'Cause let's be honest - decisions we made about how things work or how to fix things that we made at the age of 16 could easily be classified as totally ignorant of how the world really works. It might seem like the right idea at the time.... but then as you get older, you have to come to terms with the fact the behavior you're doing to ease the pain is in and of itself a problem!

Welcome to addiction.

You know, it's easy to spot addiction when it's right out there. Nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, marijuana, prescription drugs. Those are all no-brainers, right? Anybody could spot those without a magnifying glass. But what about other behaviors? Lying. Cheating. Stealing. Addiction to food. Addiction to sex. Addiction to exercise? A little more difficult to pin down at first glance. A lot of these things are normal and even great behaviors we all do as humans. It's when they cross the line that they become trouble.

So what's a good definition of that? Well, in my mind, an addiction is any behavior you do compulsively, over and over, expecting to result in your ultimate happiness - aka, to "cure" you of your pain - and you throw yourself into it without caution, without conscious, rational thought, and it's like someone else is driving the bus.

Well when you're in the grips of a compulsive behavior there IS someone else driving the bus. It's you, but it's a younger, more hurt, more scared, part of you that is replaying a tape from long ago, crossing its fingers and hoping that this time it will work, this time you get what is you really NEED.

People look to all sorts of outside sources for a "cure." Food, shopping, booze, running, sex, stealing, etc. All these items are outside of oneself. Here's the bad news: they'll never fill the hole inside you. YOU are the only one that can fill it. YOU have to do it yourself. Rhianna wrote a song about trying to fill that hole and how she realized it was her problem and her hole to fill.

That's a downer you say? Yeah, it can be, if you take the time to understand who you let the drive the bus for so long. Your younger self. Not the older, wiser, adult one. No. That's not how it works. The older, wiser adult gets pushed in the background because the NEED to cure the PAIN is so damn great. 

Let's face it. We're scared of our pain. Scared it will bowl us over and lease us shattered, empty and broken. But the truth is, we're already all those things. We just aren't dealing with it. We're slapping on a bandage that can't possibly contain it, hoping and praying for a miracle this time. But this time is just like last time. And realizing that is the way out. 

Happiness lies outside the circle. You have to make it yourself, but at least it's yours. It's not the fake happiness your fourteen or six or eleven year-old self thinks it deserves. It's a more whole, more controlled, more stable happiness that perhaps doesn't glow quite so brightly, but at least doesn't continue to make the hole bigger.

More on addiction later,


Saturday, May 17, 2014

2014 early garden pics

Another year begins at Davis Farms.

Chives that have gone to seed, with their little purple puff balls.

Salad rows

Early kale bed

Collard greens

early potato beds

The new additions to the family - blueberries.
So nice to see the fence again once the wayward grapes were pulled up!

Shallots! Dutch of course 

Flowering sage

Okra! currently nesting in their wall o' waters

tiny parsley yay!

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The end of Separation is now / working with my animus / Cardinal Grand Cross 2014 / Tom Lescher Astrology Forecast for April 22, 2014

Happy Cardinal Grand Cross day of 2014! Fucking-a yeah! This has been a rough week for me emotionally, as fear has reared its ugly head. But I think I've been able to dampen it down a little and connect the body and spirit. I took a hike alone at lunchtime that helped a little. Helped break those old patterns of reacting to every little thing with FEAR.

 Hey, as Tom Lescher points out, you believe what you've been TAUGHT.

Somewhere along the line, I learned some very powerful lessons I'm still trying to undo. Still in recovery from. More on certain aspects of that later. But for now, let's say that I learned early on to react to authority with fear. As Lescher points out, there's also a YOU VS ME aspect we've all been taught. A separation has dug itself into our hearts and minds where it doesn't belong. It's not male vs female.

It's not you vs me. Nuh uh. It's WE. It always has been, it always will be. You are me, the planet is me, I am the spirit and I am another you. You can stay separate from me, and I can stay separate from you, from the Earth, from my own spirit, but at some point -like, um, a Cardinal Grand Cross! - the truth will out. Here's what Tom had to say:


Lovely message. He's so fun. I totally dig his messages. No more separation is a good thing, but you know, it means no more separation. Think about it.

No more separation from the darker parts of yourself. They're all you. Embrace them. Accept them. Live them.

No more separation from the opposite sex. No more male vs female. I am another you. We are equal. We make a whole. Together, it can work.

No more separation from the things you hate in other people. They are parts of you too. Hello! Welcome to the truth. We are all connected. I can hate you, but I must also hate a part of myself. Which his my choice, but as Tom points out, it weakens my strength. Accept. Admit. Move on to the next task.

I'll talk more later about Animus work. I think it's really time for the FEMININE to birth a new image of the MASCULINE that feeds our souls. That heals our world. I plan to write more about this all year.

Talk to you soon!


Thursday, April 17, 2014

Poor Joffrey #gameofthrones did not do you justice


There comes a time in almost every TV show where they air an episode that turns my interest to dust. They did it with Lost when Ben shot John Locke, my favorite character, execution-style and left him in an open grave full of bones.

I said to myself, THIS is entertainment? I didn't realize mass murder had become entertainment!

Though I did watch a few more episodes off and on, I never regained my initial enthusiasm for it, and never watched the full series.


I think I just watched the episode of Game of Thrones that made me no longer care. It think my enthusiasm for that show died with a poorly executed episode that made my eyes want to roll back into my head!

I watched Season 4, episode 2 recently and I have to say I just found it fell short. Not of my expectations, wholly, but short of what it could have been.

Joffrey was a much hated character and a center stone of the GOT universe. But in the episode that contained his wedding and his death, he was overshadowed by other characters. Bronn for instance. Tyrion. Sansa.

Joffrey's scenes weren't movingly written. They were flat and devoid of the kind of real passionate madness we've come to expect from Joffrey. He lets his new wife distract him with pie? Even the skit didn't serve to intensify his cruelty - the scene wasn't really tied to him. IMO it belonged to Sansa. The instant she saw the head roll onto the stones, the scene was hers. The gripping, emotional, I'll-remember-it-forever part of the scene wasn't Joffrey's. It should have been.

Yes, he died well. Yes, he looked pretty darn bad at the end, but it was too quick, too one-off, too, let's get this done and move on. Joffrey deserved more than that. All he got was a couple of scenes where he's exploiting Tyrion and acting cruelly but in a general way. Not in a sink-your-teeth-into-the-horror-of-it way.

Speaking of gripping, Tyrion did a fine job of breaking up with Shae. There was more emotion in that scene, and in Sansa's than in Joffrey's death.

Oh and Bronn - I thought it simply perfect when Shae slapped him! His head really did snap quite nicely. And Bronn, really, owned most of the show. He's neck and neck with The Hound for me for secondary character.

The dwarf, of course, is still my #1!

More later,

P.S. I'm not the only one not cheering over the episode. Josh Dickey has this to say:

Friday, January 31, 2014

Daily astrological forecast: It's all fucked

Right now, I can't even tell you the troubles I'm experiencing.

The Sun quincunx Jupiter later today suggests there may be some discomfort with our current path.

Huh. No kidding. There seems to be a lot of that going around and I feel like people don't really understand each other very well. You don't really know me.  I don't really know you, but we're all caught up in this judging, this certainty, this "I want it this way" which I fear will not serve us in the long run.

Here's something about breaking those old patterns no longer serving us well:

.... recognize that some level of detachment and distancing ourselves from our habits and attachment to the past will help us break away from destructive behaviors that are holding us back. With this potent Aquarius energy, we have the chance to make progressive changes in our lives. For some of us, circumstances are such that we need to pay more attention to these matters.

Letting go of the past is hard. Very hard indeed. But wait, there's more good news, if we don't choose to do it, we'll be forced to do it: 

So those touched by this aspect might be trying unfeasibly hard to mend a relationship through their passionate unconditional love. If the relationship does not respond to your persistent Jupiter optimism do please learn to let go. If you do not, then Jupiter square Uranus (As part of a T-square withPluto) on February 26 will do a fantastic job of shattering your dream romance into tiny little pieces

And then we get the Grand Cross on April 23rd which one astrologer said was the most dangerous day of 2014. 

Among the predictions are the collapse of the EU, the fall of the dollar, massive rioting in Spain, Greece and Syria and a new social order rising out of the economic disaster this cross will bring.

So how will we survive this on a planetary level? On a personal level? On an inner child level? I think the adult is eclipsing the inner child, but the soul makes itself heard on days such as this. Listen closely. You might not like the message, but it's yours all the same.


Saturday, January 4, 2014

2014 Horoscopes Libra, and Snake

It's that time again!

Fortune Fortelling in 2014Overview: They finally get through 2013, the year of their birth, with bad fortune and welcome a comparatively good year. They will welcome good fortune in life, career and other aspects.

Career: Snake people will be fortunate in career in 2014. It is suggested to seize all good chances in the beginning of the year to make a solid foundation for later improvement in the whole year.

Libra Horoscope 2014 for Love And Relationships

According to your Libra 2014 horoscope, private life may appear to be difficult. It is possible that all the problems you were annoyed with for a long time may snowball rapidly. An explosion of emotions is most likely to happen in the second half of 2014, and neither you, nor your partner may be ready to compromise. If relationship is already dead, it’s no use giving any advice. If not, you have the first half of 2014 to settle your love affairs. You may have a complicated relationship with maternal relatives.

Libra Horoscope 2014 for Finance

2014 is quite successful financially. The first half of 2014 is especially favorable, when a considerable income may come your way. However, difficult financial situations may appear in November and December 2014. You may suffer from financial claims in this period. For some people, it’ll be connected with private life, for others with professional activity.

Relationships Horoscope of Libra in 2014

Pluto would illuminate a dark corner for you in the interpersonal in 2014. This would let you use your objective and progressive thinking to get rid of the fog of the interpersonal aspects.

Health Horoscope of Libra in 2014

It is not easy to keep your health in 2014. In fact, your body function would have greater consumption as your mood changes. You would often feel abnormal exhausted. Thd body functions of yours need update in March, April and July of 2014, especially the vocal cords, muscles and ligaments need to be protected. It is not recommended that you engage in adventure sports at this time.

If you're already hitched, expect a series of mind-blowing lessons and non-stop insight in the realms of romance and long-term commitment. This is your year to uncover and break through any codependent patterns once and for all. If you've been struggling with commitment issues (what Libra, doesn't?) you will have tremendous support from Saturn and the Nodes of Fate to keep you from your usual fence sitting. The big shift takes place in March when the North Node of Fate moves into your constellation triggering a series of very fated, life-altering events and destined relationships that will unfold over the next few years. All of your relationships (not just romantic) will be radically transformed, as will you. The themes of balance, justice, and beauty will be all consuming starting in March when the North Node moves into Libra. You'll feel right in your element as others will also be learning all about the art of diplomacy and compromise with you for a change. Life is about to feel infinitely sweeter in 2014.
In any case, relationships will be the priority if not the obsession in 2014. In fact, it may be hard to focus on anything else after March comes, so you may want to get as much non-relationship business out of the way during the first two months of the year.
You're the romantic of the zodiac, Libra, but commitment is often another issue. You're letting go of any love-'em-and-leave-'em defenses as the planets push you to get super serious about your relationships. You often like to keep one foot out the door just in case you change your mind (even if your beloved has no idea you're still going back and forth internally) but that can often due more damage to your love life than you realize. You'll be uprooting these fickle patterns and realizing how they've only served to sabotage your relationships in the past. You're ready for something real and lasting now -- even if it requires hard work!
Pluto, now in Capricorn, will urge you towards getting more control over the foundations of your life. Your location, your home and your family relationships will be affected as this strong energy takes root within you and comes to you from the outside. Problems from the past or childhood conditioning will most likely come up for some deeper scrutiny and you begin to understand the ramifications of certain inherited tendencies or emotional patterning coming down through the family line and how you may be expressing this in your everyday life. Some of these old patterns will be strengths but some will be undesirable and this energy will bring conditions which elicit change on inner levels.
In a more external way Pluto, the planet of death/rebirth, may mean your domestic set-up, place on the map or routines at home are changing in radical ways. There is also likely to be a fundamental shift in family relationships as the old loyalties give way to new ones through separation, death or new birth.

Saddlerock Jan 3 2014

First Saddlerock hike of the year.

File under: Muddy. As. Fuck.

And also: WTF were we doing out there?

Oh and here's some new prayer flags for 2014:

Hoping for a better year in 2014!